In no way was this good enough

The Mag

·26. November 2024

In no way was this good enough

Well, didn’t this game take just forever to come around?

Fifteen days is a long time in football, or a wholly unacceptable 23 days since our last home game, with the excruciating plethora of dull international breaks exacerbated on this occasion by our getting shunted to the Monday night football.

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Yuk, everyone hates that slot you might say, although not so much for Newcastle United at St James’ Park.

As reported on The Mag yesterday, we had only one (soul-crushing) defeat on a home Monday night going into this one, and the past couple have been fine occasions, with Champions League qualification secured against Leicester and the more moderate success of survival the previous season, sealed with an encouraging demolition of Arsenal (ten thousand times better than them we were).

Positive omens weren’t exactly needed as everyone seemed brimming with confidence after three straight wins pre-break and a semblance of a return to form. West Ham, by contrast, seemed to be in a bit of a funk, with Lopetegui’s time as manager seemingly running out quickly.

I said to anyone who would listen pre-match, that everyone is quick to jump on how often we get opponents at the “wrong” time, such as when they’re experiencing the bounce of a new manager or in a particularly luxuriant period of little to no injuries. You have to then acknowledge that sometimes you also catch clubs at the right time, as the Hammers seemed ripe for the kicking here.

Such optimism never sits right around these parts, nor should it ever, and I noticed everyone self-convincing that it was all going to backfire as we embarked on a long bad Monday before the game. Sometimes your instinct is there for a reason eh?

Newcastle started exactly how you’d have hoped/expected, fizzing all over the visitors and making inroads that culminated in Isak latching on to Hall’s sweet long pass, sitting down Fabianski and slotting into the Gallowgate goal (that Bruno once again inexplicably had us attacking first half). Celebrations followed but the linesman had his stupid flag up and the VAR check confirmed the narrow offside. This moment would have an uncanny parallel with Isak’s failure to convert against Brighton that preceded the roof falling in.

It wasn’t quite instant from West Ham, as happened in the last home sickener, but it was a good five minutes later that Soucek headed them into the lead from a shockingly defended corner. Lloyd Kelly just got totally lost as Soucek made a to and fro run before heading in pathetically unchallenged. Set-piece defence is becoming a bit of an alarm and it wouldn’t be the last time the defence looked wildly off it, seemingly struggling without the leadership of Dan Burn to settle them down.

This goal was against the run of play but it was enough to throw Newcastle entirely. After a sharp finish for the disallowed effort, Isak had a night to forget, as a failure to connect with Hall’s driven cross and a woefully miscued header and volley were the most memorable of some wayward finishing. At least he was game for a go though, as the high, wide and hopeless efforts from Gordon, Schar and Hall were among many forgettable failures to test Fabianski, who did get at least his gloves dirty collecting the horrible crosses that were consistently floated down his neck.

With Barnes on for the struggling Willock at half time you’d hoped for some impetus in getting back in the game. Instead United just gave it up. Bruno froze once again around his mate Paqueta and allowed him to easily take possession before sending Bowen on a mazy run, after which he did very well to play in Wan-Bissaka. The finish was cool for a full back, just creeping inside the far post past the onrushing Pope.

The next 40 minutes were just a bit upsetting to be honest.

Passing a shambles, no clue at set-pieces, no shots on target and utter bewilderment when faced with a low block. You can get caught out like this sometimes but I feel like I wrote all this the other week when we couldn’t find an answer against Brighton. At least the Seagulls are well drilled and flying high, whereas West Ham came here in a mess and we had nothing to throw at them.

I’ve said it before but this unacceptable performance is surfacing every three or four games now. The poor execution of basics on show tonight were, for me, a low point of the season to date, but there was familiarity in many aspects.

When we whimpered out at Fulham we had a chance to go top of the league. Having clawed back to something threatening, tonight’s opportunity to go within a point of third was similarly well and truly blown. Instead, we contrived to drop a place, sitting tenth and likely to stay around the mid-table mark as the current routine will see around eight more shocking defeats like this, albeit punctuated with encouraging shows of what we can achieve when everyone gets it right.

There seem to be bad decisions everywhere you look. Bruno as captain hasn’t worked and I genuinely believe the plan has been to cash in on him for some time, only to receive no concrete offers each window. It seems that he and Tonali can’t play together and the Italian was reduced to being shoved on when the game was gone. Gordon being restored to the left because it’s where he’ll get a game for England, when Joelinton and Willock’s link up on that side has been the cornerstone of recent form was baffling, Big Joe having his worst game of the season when stuck out on the right.

Callum Wilson’s belated return was a small consolation and he looked like he should have had a penalty for a late manhandling off Mavropanos. Hopefully, he’ll provide a good option in the weeks ahead, but you have to fear the days of his coming to our rescue are dwindling.

Wilson’s return meant that there was only the Botman/Burn gap at the back stopping this from being a full-strength United. Not being able to take or create your chances can be passed off as a bad day at the office once or twice, but it’s becoming endemic and as such it’s not bad luck, it’s bad preparation. The fact this was our first opportunity to win three straight Premier League games since September 2023 tells you all you need to know about the levels of consistency.

This season is going to hurt, as a couple of games building up some form just draws you in for the punchline of this trademark gormless display yet again. With the Premier League as open as it currently is, this may even see one of the lesser European spots within range, but I can see it coming to less than that. The glimmer of hope has to be that the Mr Hyde performance can be stymied every time there’s a cup tie and we can source some salvation in one of the knock-out competitions.

Monday night football did of course stink, walking home in the freezing cold with the ample jeers of the delirious cockneys ringing in our ears. In no way was this good enough.

Newcastle 0 West Ham 2 – Monday 25 November 8pm

Goals:

Newcastle United:

West Ham:

Soucek 10, Wan-Bissaka 53

Possession was Newcastle 52% West Ham 48%

Total shots were Newcastle 18 West Ham 15

Shots on target were Newcastle 2 West Ham 6

Corners were Newcastle 8 West Ham 3

Touches in the box Newcastle 35 West Ham 17

Newcastle United team v West Ham

Pope; Livramento, Schar, Kelly, Hall; Longstaff, Bruno (Trippier 84), Willock (Barnes 46), Gordon (Wilson 68), Isak, Joelinton (Murphy 69)