Sandman’s Definitive Champions League Ratings – Celtic v Balaclava (Part 2) | OneFootball

SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v SLOVAN RATISLAVA

Now where were we? If you’ve not read Part 1 here’s how it went…

READ THIS…Sandman’s Definitive Champions League Ratings – Celtic v Balaclava (Part 1)

Continued as promised…

SUBS –

DUNCAN IDAHO – 6.5/10 –  And there it is – signs of fitness levels rising; the big mhan running on his toes rather than heels, looking swift over sloth, and having the striker’s sharp wit to tuck away his goal with one deft touch. That’s more like it.

SAINT BERNARDO – 6/10 – Always good to have a battler of some finesse to inject. So it is with Paulo; happy to grind out fifteen minutes and fill the spaces.

CRUSTY THE CLOWN – N/A – Welcome to Springfield…Eh, Paradise. Not bad to get your debut 5-1 up on a racous CL night.

JAMESY – 6.5/10 – You need a mhan with perfect timing? Try 502-not-out-because-I-pull-out, Jamesy; still not a Daddy – far as he knows – but who also knows exactly when to slip one in; Just ask big Adam…

TONY THE TIGER – N/A – Left disappointed he couldn’t find wee Vlad the shaved monkey still on the park to smash about in injury time.

Brendan Rodgers  acknowledges the fans prior to the UEFA Champions League 2024/25 match between Celtic  and SK Slovan Bratislava at Celtic Park on September 18, 2024. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

THE NOTAPRODDYGAL – 8.5/10 – The CL preparation he must have dreamed of during the summer – fully fit squad, new major signing bedded-in, side ticking-over nicely. Finally, BR gets his CL win when it really counts. As well as more evidence of his troubled method – also finally – bearing proper and consistent fruit. Bigger challenges await, but nights like this become a reference point to repair disconnects when things are awry and players require re-focussed on the manager’s message. He’ll revel in this one.

MIBBERY – 2/10 – Val Kilmer has been known to be a bit of a whistle and card-happy attention-seeker in the past; thankfully tonight, like his smirking linesman during the anthem, and the quiet VAR muppets, he seemed happy to be a tourist at the finest footballing arena on Earth and lap up the atmosphere.

Celtic players celebrate following a goal by Kyogo Furuhashi (not seen) during the UEFA Champions League,match between Celtic and Slovan Bratislava at Celtic Park on September 18, 2024. (Photo by ANDY BUCHANAN / AFP)

OVERALL – 8.5/10 – Ooft. Get in there. Without shouting it. A bit of relief among the jhoy as we finally – there’s that adverb again… – fulfil expectations on the biggest stage and win a CL game we hoped to. And the Bhoys did it in some style too. Swaggering to five goals with some passages of play that had Pele’s ghost ditching the viagra as we evoked Brasil 1970… Balaclava were never going to be Real Madrid in terms of European roadblocks but we’ve seen plenty of Celtic sides crash in the face of unknown or dismissed continental opponents.

Tonight we did what we’d hoped for in the past and took a ‘beatable’ foe apart with intensity and ruthlessness; Something we’ve been on the receiving end of too many times at this level. You can only beat what’s in front of you – as Gazza used to tell Sheryl – and boy, did we do that. This could have been done by half-time; any anxiety that it wouldn’t be done at all was wiped in the opening minutes of the second 45 as Dracula’s Select were hit with a divine wind and blown away.

What a start to the CL. That’s not something you hear often. Never, actually. Our first opening victory. Don’t underestimate it, either – smashing any side in the CL is noteworthy; those whose noses are coloured by their time spent up Smurfs’ backsides will try and denigrate this result until their eyes bleed with the anguish.

But they know. And we know. The entire SPL knows; this Celtic team’s now a different animal, totally. Little pigs, little pigs, let us in…

Go Away Now

Sandman

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