Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v Dynamo Gasket

The Celtic Star

·10 December 2024

Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v Dynamo Gasket

SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ DYNAMO GASKET

“Frustration is fuel that can lead to the development of an innovative and useful idea” – Marley Dias

THE FRIENDLY GHOST – 7.5/10 – Nothing’s too much trouble for the spectral Schmeichel – be it defying the Hibees or pulling off a late stunner of a save in the CL, his demeanour stays focussed and ready. Every block necessary was made, footwork efficient and confident. The definitive solid top-class experienced international goalkeeper. And he’s ours.

Ronael Pierre-Gabriel runs with the ball during the UEFA Champions League match between GNK Dinamo and Celtic FC at Stadion Maksimir on December 10, 2024 (Photo by Jurij Kodrun/Getty Images)

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GREGGS THE BAKER – 7/10 – A main contestant in tonight’s messy bake-off. Involved from the start, unnecessarily booked for being tackled which bemused and annoyed. However, he kept his head despite being under the Sword of Damocles so long, and put in a CL-level performance, atoning for one error with a goal-saving nick off the striker’s toe when we were suffering with ten left.

WAYNE GRETZKY – 6/10 – Started as ever on the front foot, linking with Kuhn. Then, come half an hour and a mild stramash at the halfway, it was uh-oh, fingers crossed. Seemed an innocuous clash but AJ was hampered and never resurfaced from HT. Shame, because his power-lapping would have made things interesting late-on.

CRUSTY THE CLOWN – 7/10 – Liam question answered. Athletic prowess required over nous, and vindicated as Austin put in an Atalanta display, no-nonsense and stoical – great block on a goalbound strike. Has raised his game to the required level now. Like they said in Deliverance: ‘You ain’t in fancy Sheffield anymore , boy…’*

* No, they didn’t.

GET CARTER – 7.5/10 – The big guy’s back and he’s mad. Slipping-mad, as he took a tumble or two; probably due to the fright of seeing Kasper actually standing in the goals – he’s thought Kasper really was a ghost since the Brugge debacle. But tonight CVV had that grizzly (bear) determination – no way was he losing anything at the back and came close to getting on the end of danger in their box. Mission achieved, and almost more.

CALMAC – 7.5/10 – Mr.100 reached a milestone in Europe and commanded his side to a competent result. No flurries or aberrations as Calmac led the way by setting the tone – brainy football; a clinical display of game management. With interchangeable midfield components around him, the skipper remains the central difference-engine. Maturing into a CL-level classy midfield general.

SAINT BERNARDO – 8/10 MOTM – Whit?! Subbed? No way… I’m stubborn on this one – Paulo was a terrific presence in the middle. A crucial one. His hustle was tremendous – running Huggy Bear levels of interference, epitomised by the best hooked sliding tackle of the night whch dismantled there breakaway and put us on a counter. Perfectly-pitched aggression matched with rugged guile is his style – compliments our Captain and A.N Other attacking mid splendidly. Then Brendan hooked him, the clueless…

Reo Hatate of Celtic is challenged by Lukas Kacavenda during the UEFA Champions League match between GNK Dinamo and Celtic FC at Stadion Maksimir on December 10, 2024. (Photo by Jurij Kodrun/Getty Images)

HAKUNA HATATE – 6/10 – Reo’s becoming an enigma – an unpredictable Japanese puzzle capable of inducing both enchantment and despair. Not like a Sudoku, but a ‘Shiritori’ – a word game, but one in which you need to find the phrase: ‘Final ball, Reo! For heaven’s sake!”. Tonight this would just be reduced, with Japanese ruthless efficiency, to the single word, ‘atrocious’.

LORD KATSUMOTO – 5/10 – Daizen’s most ineffective CL game, ever. Really surprising to see him so passive and off the pace. Well marshalled by the full-back and took a joke yellow too. But as the game wore on I expected Daizen to flourish and damage them. But that potent closing-down energy was absent and his impact negligible. Saving it for Tavpen, perhaps, we hope.

KILLER MUSHROOM – 5.5/10 – The Ikoma Inu was at them early, snapping ankles and looking mildly ferocious. But his touch was a little off, and service became limited. Muzzled mostly, apart from being thwarted once by their customary good defending that defined the night.

TAKINTE – 7/10 – Feed the Kuhn! Wasnt’ the cry, for…Eh, phonetic reasons… But he stayed the bhoy most likely and exploded into life whenever we could free him. Superb drift inside nearly resulted in the winner, but for a terrific block.

SUBS –

DUNCAN IDAHO – 6/10 – Good input as he unsettled their tiring defence. Appeared up for it and destined to deliver; only ancient Balkan voodoo by some witch called Catherine (true, check it…) prevented that as the winner was picked off his toe by the defensive play of the season.

THE TERMINATOR – 6/10 – More like it. Slotted in with something to prove and got involved in big moments – the aforementioned move for the certainty-not-a-certainty. Swung in some vicious corners deserving of contact. Prediction: Sunday will be this kid’s glory day as he shows the Zombies what proper class is.

HIGHLAND TOFFEE – 6/10 – Somerset Park to the CL. What a difference a few years makes. On came Luke in a tightly-poised CL contest and he played it with professional nonchalance like it was an Ayr v Auchinleck Talbot Ayrshire Cup charity gig. Or something. Almost opened the scoring too.

JAMESY – 6/10 – You can’t keep Jamesy down. Ladies… Left-wing it was and just as keen to bustle his way in about them.Nearly succeeded – part of that unreal moment at the death, mirroring Saturday with a sublime reverse pass into Arne.

TONY THE TIGER – 5/10 – The madman exerts his frustration at not being involved in the Balkan Wars by slamming a few of them and taking a card. Putting himself on the line is Tony’s greatest Celtic attribute but it was a fine line that defined his contribution this evening – a simple controlled boot away from being a hero if he’d cut in one of his usual killer-crosses after a great overlap to a terrific move. But he fluffed it.

THE NOTAPRODDYGAL – 7.5/10 – BR’s big moment? Qualification? Nope. The elusive CL away win remains in the future, hopefully closer than Anderlecht in the past. Birmingham’s nice in January, I hear. From the blind. But he’ll take tonight, galling as it might be after he called their team selection and system perfectly and looked pretty pleased with himself for doing so; only to see his players lose their grip on a game that seemed for the taking. Still, there’s a nice domestic match looming with a yappy wee club for him to hone the CL mindset for YB.

MIBBERY – 5/10 – During this CL we’ve had lookalike movie stars, football stars, and now this – an extra from a French cop thriller. Bit bewildering his estimation of what constitutes a yellow card but early omens proved falsehoods as he calmed it, engaged with players and kept his red card under his flaming beret.

OVERALL – 7/10 – How far have we come in a few short months? Far enough that a clean sheet draw in darkest Zagreb on a heavy, cutup pitch, opposition going down like cheap hookers and playing for time, is accepted with a tint of frustration. A game we didn’t look likely to lose, nor win. Defence was re-enacting the Atalanta siege but the attack seemed to be offering an interpretation of The Importance Of Being Earnest through the medium of modern dance, as everybody gracefully – or not – avoided being the subject of goalscoring attention.

So a dour trip to a dour stadium – three-sided due to an Earthquake damaging a stand when Alfredo Morelos visited four years ago – results in a dour match; who’da thunk it? Good though to see The Hoops rueful about their outcome and heading home with an itch to scratch. More than likely the Bhoys were turnng minds towards ther weekend from the moment the whistle blew for the second 45 and all they saw when they looked up ahead was the polite reminder banner from the home fans about who we’re playing – the Bad Blue Boys. Or was it ‘Manky Tangerine Bartenders” censored by an AI filter? Yes, I think that was it…

Either way, hey-ho, a CL point on the road. Played six, won two, drawn three, lost one, goal difference level, 9 points – that’ll do for me. We’re in good shape, looking an assured quality side who can handle the heightened pressure, poised to take on The Young Boys with the promised land, a decade lost, just one win away. So let’s go collect a cup in the meantime.

Go Away Now

Sandman