Champions (League) of Snark – Match Week 7, Day 1 | OneFootball

Commence with the snark…

AS Monaco 1 – 0 Aston Villa

One point. That’s all Villa mathematically needed to guarantee advancement. On paper, prior to kickoff, it looked a done deal, particularly with AS Monaco in such poor recent form (3L, D, W).Wilfried Singo and his big fat noggin had other plans.

Atalanta 5 – 0 SK Sturm Graz

Atalanta have stumbled recently, with 3 draws and 2 losses in their last 5. But in our podcast I said it wouldn’t matter. It didn’t matter.

Atlético Madrid 2 – 1 Bayer Leverkusen

One of those HUGE fixtures today. The winner probably locks down a top 8 spot; the loser will be stuck in the playoff scrum. At halftime, Atléti were down a goal (Piero Hincapié header at ‘45) and a man (Pablo Barrios straight red at ‘25). But Leverkusen failed to deal with Julián Álvarez. He pulled the home team level after a cool finish off the fast break, then gave them the lead after dribbling past the keeper and slotting an impossible angle shot. What has happened to Xabi Alonso’s Leverkusen? There was a time they would have sealed this, especially with a player advantage. Bad portent.

Benfica 4 – 5 Barcelona

My original thought was Benfica would need divine assistance in the match. Turns out, all they needed was Vangelis Pavlidis, who recorded a first half hat-trick. Barcelona answered with three goals of their own; unfortunately one of them was an own-goal. Derp.

I wrote the above at around 70 minutes into this game. The score was 4-2. But as the rain began intensifying in Lisbon, Barça also turned up the heat. They brought it level from a penalty (’78) and an Eric García header (’86). When Raphinha took a long clearance at ‘90+6, then cut inside onto his left, you could tell Benfica’s hour of judgement was nigh. What a match.

Liverpool 2 – 1 Lille

Arne Slot started the ‘A’ team against a Lille team that’s gone 21 straight games without a loss. That’s a sign of respect. Mohamed Salah notched a lovely chip into the top corner off the break to give them the lead, but in all fairness should have had at least one more. When Aïssa Mandi drew a second yellow in the 59th it looked over. Shocker! Jonathan David struck off a blocked shot only three minutes later to make the hosts nervous. But this is Liverpool we’re talking about, and they get the job done. In this case, the task fell to Harvey Elliot, whose deflected effort hit the net.

Red Star Belgrade 2 – 3 PSV Eindhoven

This was a must-win for PSV, who entered in 22nd place on 8 points. ANd you could not have asked for a better start. They sauntered into the dressing room 3 goals up on a Luuk de Jong brace and Ryan Flamingo score. The young defender went from hero to zero after being shown a straight red for a late challenge and was deemed to be the last man. Queue up a Red Star resurgence as they pummeled the 10-man PSV for the remaining 40 minutes and into stoppage time, clawing back two goals. But alas, they could not find the equalizer.

Bologna 2 – 1 Borussia Dortmund

Borussia Dortmund’s recent form has been abysmal (only one win in their last eight). A visit to under-performing Bologna should’ve been a nice spark, but soccer hates the predictable. I Rossoblú dominated possession, shots and set-pieces and in the space of two minutes snatched two goals from the visitors. Dortmund now sit in the uncomfortable middle; Bologna can celebrate their first ever CL win, but will likely be eliminated.

Club Brugge 0 – 0 Juventus

My original fixture notes: “Toss up match here. Brugge’s form is smoking.” Normally I’d label a match like this a “Dull Null”, but the ramifications are too significant. Juve stay mired in the playoff scrum. Brugge live to fight next week to stay alive.

Slovan Bratislava 1 – 3 VfB Stuttgart

This was my pick for Irrelevant Match of the Day. By the final whistle, Stuttgart logged 21 shots and 19 corners; Slovan only 6 and 4 respectively. Any guess which team is fighting for a playoff spot and which is already eliminated?